Let’s just say it.
Writing your own personalised wedding vows sounds romantic in theory… and mildly terrifying in practice.
We asked our Head Honcho in Charge, Roxy Celebrant, for her advice on this. She’s been delivering weddings since 2011 and has heard many, many vows. Read on for her pearls of wisdom.
First Things First: Why Personalised Wedding Vows Matter
You don’t have to have personalised vows in your ceremony, but just remember this:
The mandatory wording which you have to say in your wedding in order to make it legal are very important – they’re what makes you married. However, they are also… well… pretty dry. They are:
‘I call upon the persons here present to witness that I [state full name] to you [partner’s full name] to be my lawful wedded wife/husband/partner’.
Which is great and all, but maybe you’d like to agree to more than just entering into a legal contract.
Roxy likes to think of personalised vows as promises. What else do you want to promise to do in your relationship? What promises would you like to make to your partner? What flaws in yourself do you promise to work on?
Then once every year, you can re-read your personalised vows and see how your travelling – almost like a performance review!
Step One: You Don't Need to Share More Than You're Comfy With
Some couples include a sentence or two as to why they love their partner, then go into four or five promises.
Some couples just share their promises.
Some couples share their promises during the ceremony, then share why they love their partner in private after the ceremony.
You know you, and what you feel comfortable with, so stick with that.
Step Two: Make Promises That Mean Something
Your promises should feel genuine and true, not a script from a movie. Yes, you can promise to love them forever. But go deeper.
Some examples may be to promise to:
-
Back them when they doubt themselves
-
Be patient when life gets chaotic or stressful
-
Always take time to share their interests or hobbies
-
Always make the tea after a long day
-
Laugh before arguing (or at least try)
Specific promises feel powerful because they’re rooted in your real life. That’s what turns lovely words into actual vows.
Step Three: Get the Tone Right
Your wedding vows don’t need to be solemn if that’s not you.
If your relationship is full of laughter, let some of that in. If you’re soft and romantic, lean into it. If you’re quietly steady and practical, honour that.
What you’re not writing is:
-
A comedy routine
-
A full biography
-
An Oscar acceptance speech
Keep it heartfelt and true to you and your partner. If you’re feeling fraudulent saying it, or like you’re acting a part in a play you didn’t audition for, well, you haven’t got the tone right.
Step Four: Keep It Short Enough to Be Powerful
If you’re wondering how long personalised wedding vows should be:
Aim for 1–2 minutes when spoken, which is roughly 150–300 words.
And if you’re both writing vows, agree roughly on length. One of you delivering one sentence that is sarcastic and witty, while the other offers pages of hearts, flowers and puppy-dog tails, is going to feel a bit off for you both.
Step Five: Say It Out Loud
This matters. Wedding vows written can sound very different to when spoken.
Read them out loud. Feel where you stumble. Notice what feels awkward or overcomplicated.
Then simplify.
The best personalised vows sound natural – like you’re speaking from the heart, not auditioning for a period drama.
Common Mistakes When Writing Wedding Vows
Let’s save you some stress.
Avoid:
Writing them, then editing, and editing, and editing, and…. try not to overthink them
Copying something from the internet and hoping no one notices
Including stories your partner would rather forget
Trying to be someone you’re not
Your vows don’t need to be extraordinary.
They need to be yours.
If You're Really Not Keen on Public Speaking...
At Alter Albion, we’re happy for you to provide us with your vows as a question. Write what you want to agree to, using the above guidance, and then give it to us. Our celebrants will ask these to you as a question that you say I do, for example:
‘Sam do you promise to always bring Peta a cup of coffee within 10 minutes of waking? Do you promise to never to go to sleep on an argument? Do you promise to work on your tardiness, especially when going on holiday? Do you promise to always have a date night at least once every two weeks?’
Sam
‘I do.’
Or, the other option, is to stick to personalised vows as per below.
Standard Personalised Vows
If you don’t want to write your own vows, but you’d like something over and above ‘just’ the legal wording, you are welcome to choose one of the following:
Example One:
[Name], let me ask you if in taking [Name] to be your wife, you’ll cherish your friendship with her, love her today, tomorrow and for as long as the two of you live. You’ll trust and honour her, love her faithfully through the very best and the very worst of times, whatever may come and if, for any reasons, you should ever doubt, will you promise to remember your love for her and the reason why you came together with her on this day?
Example Two:
Let me ask you [Name], if you will agree for [Name] to be your partner for life. Before these witnesses do you vow to love them and care for them as long as you both shall live. Do you take [Name] with all their faults and strengths as you offer yourself to them with your faults and strengths. Will you help [Name] when they need help, and will you turn to [Name] when you need help. Do you choose [Name] as the person with whom you will spend my life.
Example Three:
[Name], do you promise that whenever life challenges your relationship, you’ll work through things together? Do you promise to be open in your communication? Do you promise to give [Name] support, and allow [Name] to support you? Do you promise to cherish your love and never take it for granted?